A repost. As originally published by Eastern Visayas (EV) Mail News for the week of June 13-19, 2011.
Not a lot of people are familiar with the story of the bitter waters of Marah in the Bible (Exodus 15). On how the Lord Jehovah told Moses to throw in a tree branch into the waters to make it sweet. Also Naomi in the book of Ruth changed her name to Mara for she was bitter over the deaths of her husband and all her sons. In the end, God eventually gave her more blessings than what she had before. Biblically, Marah or Mara means bitter. There goes the origin of my name.
But by the grace of God and with His mercy and salvation He has made me "sweet" thus the name for this column: Sweetened Waters. It is my hope that as I open my heart and mind to all of you that you'll see that I'm not bitter about anything -- my past or anything that will happen to me now or in the future.
This column is actually one of the most exciting things that has happened to me in a long time. I love to write and I've been writing since I was in high school but I often wrote in secret. I had journals, diaries, poems, short stories, and even plays, which I've no idea where they might be now. Oftentimes I also talk to myself as I try to express some ideas before I put them on paper. I'm not crazy, I'm sure most of us talk to ourselves once in a while. It's perfectly normal, right?
I'd like to thank Tita Lalaine Jimenea for giving me this opportunity to write again. It's a dream come true for me and now it's more "official" because I can read it on print. I used to write news stories when I was working as a reporter for PRTV-12 in Tacloban City. It seemed like a hundred years ago.
I think writing for TV and writing for a newspaper are two different animals. Television is temporary and fleeting while newspaper writings are recorded in indelible ink and can be filed or stored for future reference. No one records TV newscasts, I don't think. Yet I'd also like to say that being a TV news reporter was one of the greatest experiences of my life. I wouldn't trade those two years of TV reporting for anything else.
I think writing for TV and writing for a newspaper are two different animals. Television is temporary and fleeting while newspaper writings are recorded in indelible ink and can be filed or stored for future reference. No one records TV newscasts, I don't think. Yet I'd also like to say that being a TV news reporter was one of the greatest experiences of my life. I wouldn't trade those two years of TV reporting for anything else.
As for this column, I'm so excited to share my thoughts with you readers, who can be thousands of miles away. As the title of this article suggests, I'm Filipino-American. I'm no longer an amerikanang hilaw! Some of the kids I grew up with used to tease me and I didn't understand it at that time.
I knew I was different compared with everybody else around me. I had fair skin, curly brown hair, I was tisay, I was mestiza and I've always felt bigger compared to the next girl. It made me feel awkward sometimes but I got used to it and also to being called a hilaw. But it didn't offend me. It hurt a bit because as children we don't quite understand a lot of things and I didn't understand how kids can be cruel sometimes.
I knew I was different compared with everybody else around me. I had fair skin, curly brown hair, I was tisay, I was mestiza and I've always felt bigger compared to the next girl. It made me feel awkward sometimes but I got used to it and also to being called a hilaw. But it didn't offend me. It hurt a bit because as children we don't quite understand a lot of things and I didn't understand how kids can be cruel sometimes.
When we moved to Chicago, I felt right at home. I saw a lot of people who look exactly like me. I wasn't a hilaw anymore! But I look more like a latina than an americana here in Chicago. A lot of people come up to me and speak Spanish at once and my standard reply is, "sorry, no habla español!"
I remember the first day I reported for work when a Puerto Rican lady came up to me and asked me if I was also Puerto Rican. I told her I was not and she said "What do you mean no? Of course you're Puerto Rican!" We're close friends now and we laugh everytime we look back to that day. She said she was so sure I was a latina and I was the one who was completely confused about my own heritage. Ha!
I remember the first day I reported for work when a Puerto Rican lady came up to me and asked me if I was also Puerto Rican. I told her I was not and she said "What do you mean no? Of course you're Puerto Rican!" We're close friends now and we laugh everytime we look back to that day. She said she was so sure I was a latina and I was the one who was completely confused about my own heritage. Ha!
For all it's worth, I'm still a Pinay in heart, mind and soul. No matter how we look like or where we happen to live we can never deny our own true heritage and where we came from. We cannot escape our own culture, the traditions we grew up with, the food we are used to since the time we let go of milk and lugaw, and also the dialect we think and dream with.
I've never really thought much about it but an American friend asked me once what language do I think with? I'd guess not a lot of people have given much thought to this peculiar question either. So I started to "observe" myself thinking. Hah, surprise, surprise! I do think in my own native dialect!
Then of course there's family. As the saying goes: "Home is where the heart is." These are some of the reasons that make us people of our real nationality. And yes, I'm American but my character and my heart will always be Pinay, specifically a Waray-Waray.
I've never really thought much about it but an American friend asked me once what language do I think with? I'd guess not a lot of people have given much thought to this peculiar question either. So I started to "observe" myself thinking. Hah, surprise, surprise! I do think in my own native dialect!
Then of course there's family. As the saying goes: "Home is where the heart is." These are some of the reasons that make us people of our real nationality. And yes, I'm American but my character and my heart will always be Pinay, specifically a Waray-Waray.
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